Gay Punk
by Violet Hyena
Summary: Yusuke has an abnormally thick wall between him and his emotions. But why? Yusuke deals with his life and his homosexuality as he grows up, hiding any weakness and trying to figure out why he's attracted to the idiot that tries to beat him every week. Prologue to the series.
1. Manga

This is my basic headcanon for Yusuke's life up until he dies in the series (the first time). It is how Yusuke Urameshi grew up and how he deals with his homosexuality because he has a thick wall between him and his emotions. But why? They are the shields for which he hides his softer self. Because he doesn't know how else to survive in this world. So basic resistance to an aspect to himself that is seen as weak and dealing with his attraction to his first male friend (well, future male friend), Kuwabara.

This first scene relates a little to Yusuke's flashback with Keiko before he fell into the river. Ah, youth~

* * *

The first time Yusuke Urameshi had the distinct feeling of being different was when he was 10 years old. He was at the park by himself on a swing. He stood on the wooden seat and swung back and forth while holding onto the plastic coated chains. Yusuke was chubby cheeked, still growing out of adolescence. His hair was still fluffy, black, and it tickled the back of his neck because he needed a haircut. He wore a white sweatshirt and denim shorts. Summer was ending, but it wasn't school time yet. It was late in the day and he was waiting for Keiko and until then, he was bored.

To occupy himself he watched a group of boys playing a pretend game. It looked like tag, or cowboys and Indians. He remembered vaguely that he'd beaten them up the other week for trying to bully him and calling him a demon. It was nothing new to him, but that didn't mean he would take their shit. Through out his decade of life he'd always heard of himself referred to as a demon or the son of a monster for the way he fought. That was fine by him. It made him look tough. People left him alone. The boys that played eyed him wearily sometimes, but since Yusuke didn't advance towards them they could easily forget he was there.

There were a few other kids there at the park, mostly younger kids with their parents. Yusuke mostly ignored them, more interested in the rowdy play of the boys that were at least a couple years older than him. He was always attracted to the fighting and the rough housing. He liked to fight too. He was in the majority of fights at school. He got to prove to everyone that he was better at least in that aspect.

Another boy ran to the group now from outside the park and Yusuke lifted his head with curiosity. The new comer had something tucked under his shirt and he only pulled it out once the other boys were surrounding him. He had pulled out what Yusuke assumed to be a comic book but this comic book was getting a lot of attention.

Curiosity sent Yusuke hopping off the swing and he quietly walked over to get a better look. They didn't notice him so he just peeked between the gaps of boys. What his young eyes saw was a hentai, full of exaggerated tits and blurred out female genitalia. The boys he was around all snickered and were fascinated by the pictures. They all made agreeable comments that it was "cool" and "hot". Yusuke was confused. His nose even wrinkled at the pictures, it didn't settle well in his stomach. Seeing all the drippings coming from the lower area and the soft, squishy-ness of the person did nothing for him.

Just then one of the boys realized he was not part of their little friend circle. He stuttered dumbly for a moment before he jumped away. They remembered the beating he'd dished out last time, even though Yusuke was two years their junior. Yusuke glared at them once he'd been discovered peeking. They bolted so fast that they even dropped their hentai in the grass. Yusuke did not chase, but instead he crouched down, picking the comic book up by it's spine. He looked at the cover and saw it had the picture of a slutty looking woman in a school girl uniform. What did those other boys see in this comic that was so interesting? He wondered. He didn't see anything cool about it. He humphed as he stood and flipped through the pages. It was nothing but women in sex positions. He kept flipping through them, expecting there to be some sort of fight scene that he'd missed that the other boys had seen. But there was nothing like that in this book. How disappointing.

"Yusuke!" Yusuke looked around and saw it was Keiko running towards him. She was in a soft pink dress and her hair in pigtails. Mr. Yukimora was off in the distance watching. "What are you looking at?" She asked innocently and Yusuke held up the book, spread pages for her to see it's pictures. Before he could explain, Keiko's face turned bright red and she became angry. She walloped him across the face and Yusuke blinked, finding his ass on the grass and the comic book face down between his legs. He didn't even remember the 3 seconds it took for Keiko to run back to her dad, crying, "Daddy! Daddy! Yusuke has a dirty book!" She stomped her foot and Mr. Yukimora chuckled awkwardly, patting the girl on the head.

"He's just a growing boy, Keiko. Boys look at that sort of thing." He father replied.

"It's gross! He's a pervert!" She cried and Yusuke stood, leaving the comic on the ground. He didn't understand what he'd done. Normal boys liked these kinds of things? It was full of gross stuff. But girls thought it was gross too? He liked to gross out Keiko, it was funny. He grinned and ran over to his friend, who was still puffy faced and angry.

"Hey Keiko, when are you gonna grow a pair of boobs like that?" Yusuke asked and Keiko turned on him, hand raised to strike. Yusuke laughed and ran away as she gave chase.

"Pervert!" She cried and Mr. Yukimora laughed because of their antics. They were really just children still. They wouldn't know what the big deal was until hormones struck. Ah, blissful youth, when everything was simple.

Of course everything was fun and games until Yusuke fell into the river and caught a cold.

* * *

Fact: boys go through puberty around 9 to 14, or I've heard 10 to 15. My sister had wondered if it was too young but it's right in the average range. Besides, Yusuke is 14 when the series began, so he's technically still going through those whirlwind hormones through most of the show. Talk about overload.

I'm trying to keep this as accurate as possible to the show and for growing up in a rough town. I noticed a lot of fun quirks that Yusuke had in the anime and it'll be expanded upon. I've not yet completed this story, but I've gotten enough done to where I feel like posting it. So if anyone has any suggestion or questions, please feel free to comment.

avert .org- Preventing AIDS and HIV and very informative and supportive about homosexuality.


	2. Dodge

Dodge Ball is evil

* * *

Yusuke's mind brought up the hentai many times over the next few weeks. Something about it bothered him. He was a normal boy, despite what others thought of him. He liked normal boy things. He liked fighting. He liked bad food. He liked comic books. He could kick some serious ass, even adult asses. He liked to play at the arcade. But he didn't like what was in that comic. Girls were gross to him, and grossing out Keiko was still a highlight in his life. So he was normal. Right?

Keiko had dragged him to elementary school per usual. And Yusuke resisted (per usual), but between his mom and Keiko, they usually got him to go; at least most of the time. Yusuke disliked school. There was nothing about it that he liked. Teachers lectured and gave him dirty looks. Other kids avoided him. The classes seemed pointless to, so he didn't pay attention to the lessons. Instead he observed the other boys in the classroom. Some had comics out to read inside of their text books. Some were loafing around, staring out the window. Some were doodling in their notebooks. Then there were some actually paying attention to the class. Boring. He was no different than any one else, Yusuke decided. He felt confident once more and went back to make a car out of his eraser and thumb tacks.

Although when gym rolled around that day, Yusuke realized his eyes were lingering more on the boys when they were running around. And he'd never put much thought into where his eyes were before. Of course he also noticed that the other guys were ogling the girls. Why wasn't he doing the same? He glanced at the girls because he felt he should. Some where giggling as they ran around, playing their own game of dodge ball on the other side of the gymnasium. Some had developed their curves early and their uniforms couldn't quite hold everything in place. How awkward. Yusuke looked back to some of the boys. Most were still like him, still growing from child to teenager, but others already looked like they were in their teens. Some were more muscular. Others were already much taller than him. Yusuke found himself watching the muscular boys more often. Something about the way they moved fascinated him...

And if he'd had faster reflexes, he'd have stopped the dodge ball that hit him in the side of the head. Yusuke almost fell but he just cursed and regained his balance. A surrounding roar of laughter echoed from the other team and Yusuke glared at them.

"Stop lookin' at the girls, Urameshi!" One often yelled and Yusuke grumbled, heading over to the bleachers, where the outed players sat. He realized they assumed he was looking at the girls for his distraction instead of another guy and it irked him for some reason. Was he expected to be distracted by girls? There was nothing appealing about them. Maybe there was something he was missing? He thought about it hard but it was like there was a missing piece that he couldn't find. It made him mad.

So when he was in the game again, he immediately started taking it out on the other team. He caught a ball and then walloped the ball right back, the resounding echo of rubber on flesh caught everyone's attention and it only took 2 or 3 minutes for Yusuke to whack every other team member out; some literally. At least three boys hadn't moved from getting a ball to the head.

Once there was no more moving opponents, and his own team was slack jawed with shock at the brutality, Yusuke huffed, hands on his hips, "Assholes." he muttered.

"Yusuke Urameshi!" the gym teacher snapped out of his own shock and marched over to the young boy. Yusuke blinked up at him.

"What?" He asked.

"I'll tell you what!" the teacher grabbed him by the ear and dragged him off. Yusuke cried out and had to go along with his ear, "Using excessive - no, violent force against other students!"

"Ah! They started it!" Yusuke cried out in his defense but there was nothing he could say to appease the teacher and he found himself in the waiting room for the principle's office.

Yusuke kicked his foot back and forth as he sat in the chair, holding his sore ear, "Stupid teacher..." He grumbled, "I was only playing the game..." Yusuke looked at his free hand, thinking deeply about how he'd felt about looking at the girls. He should have felt something, right? He should like looking at girls. But he didn't. Was something wrong with him?

"Urameshi, the principle will see you now." the secretary said and Yusuke sighed, hopping off his chair. At least he was missing math for this. He slowly walked through the door to the principle's office that he'd come to know so well. He plopped into the chair in front of the principle's desk and crossed his arms defiantly, looking up at the elderly lady in a suit. The name plate on her desk said 'Mrs Takenaka'. She was an older woman with graying black hair and the wrinkled face of a woman in her late fifties. She was one of his least favorite people to come see.

"Yusuke." She said calmly, removing her half moon reading glasses to look at him better.

"What?" He asked, looking out the window behind her. Why did she always start the conversation like this?

"Why did you injure half the class in a dodge-ball game?" she asked. She had no hint of anger or callousness, but Yusuke refused to believe that a teacher would care about him.

"I'm just playing the game." He grumbled, "S'not my fault they don't know how to dodge."

"Now that's not very sportsman like." she said, folding her hands together neatly, "Is there something on your mind? We could talk about it if you like."

"Nothin' to talk about." Yusuke said sternly.

"Oh? Nothing?" She sounded skeptical. "I know from experience that it is rarely nothing." Yusuke stayed quiet. He wasn't going to talk to anyone about how every boy was going crazy but him. "Is everything alright at home?" Yusuke growled. Why was that ALWAYS in the conversation?

"Yes." He groaned with obvious annoyance, "Why does everyone ask me that?" she smiled lightly.

"Sorry," she said, "Standard question." She rested her hands on the desk, "Well you're getting to a point where your body is changing. How do you feel? Anything you'd like to talk about there?" Yusuke went quiet again, but this time it was more strained and awkward. There was no way an adult would know what he was going through, and he certainly wasn't going to talk about it with anyone.

"No." He said eventually, "Everything is just peachy keen." Mrs. Takenaka sighed, knowing she wasn't getting anywhere this way. This could go on for hours. She knew because she tried that once, only receiving sarcasm and anger in return.

"I want to help you Yusuke, but you have to talk to me." She said.

"There's nothing to help with." Yusuke insisted.

"Very well." she said and pulled out a slip of paper, taking a pen to it, "I'll have to give you a detention for harming the other students." Yusuke sat up in his seat

"Not fair! They started it!" Yusuke complained loudly at the injustice.

"Well if you can't explain why you did it or why they did, then I have to put the fault on you." She said and paused in the detention slip writing, "Are you sure it was nothing?" Yusuke bit his bottom lip in defense and Mrs. Takenaka was forced to finish writing the slip. She held it out to him and he snatched it, hopping out of his seat. "You may go back to class."

"Yeah, Yeah." He said and began to stomp out.

"Remember Yusuke," She called after him, "You can always come back and talk..." Yusuke turned into the corner into the hallway but didn't go to his next class. Instead he headed to the roof where he could be alone.

"There's nothing wrong with me." He said once he was in the sun and the wind blew his hair about. "I'm normal." He said, but looked to the sky and felt like he was telling a fib.

* * *

Fact: Everyone knows how far away from the cultural norm they are, even if they can't name what that normal is. (Learned from my Multicultural Psychology class.)

I thought it would be interesting if Mr. Takenaka had a wife in the younger grades. Cause there's always that one teacher that cares.


	3. Home Life

Admittedly, this has been one of my favorite chapters

* * *

After a long and torturous detention, Yusuke walked home along the busy streets of the city. He hated detention. The hour of just SITTING there, doing NOTHING pissed him off. And an hour to a 10 year old always felt like an eternity. So now Yusuke was in a bad mood as he stomped home.

"Fucking old hag giving me detention..." he grumbled. He couldn't even remember why he'd gotten in trouble. Just because he chose not to tell her PERSONAL information she decided to be Mrs. High-and-Mighty and give him detention. Yusuke hated teachers. He always had, ever since Keiko started dragging him there every day.

Yusuke got home with no incidences and put his key in the lock to his front door. But he discovered he didn't need to a moment later and he sighed, going inside and re-pocketing the key, "Damn it mom, lock the fucking door." He slammed the door closed and tossed his book bag on the floor, kicking his shoes to the wall. He quickly checked the house to make sure there wasn't another hobo in the bathtub and once he was satisfied that he was the only one home, he went to the kitchen and pushed a chair to the stove to reach the temperature knob. He put a half full kettle over the glowing coils and pushed aside a couple ash trays and empty glass bottles to make room for an instant noodle cup. He was hungry. He didn't really ever bat an eye at the messy house. He maneuvered with ease, knowing where to step and where not to step to make it to the next room. He grew up with it so he didn't think much of it.

He hopped from the chair to lock the front door before going to the living room. He turned on the tv and grabbed some chips from a bag in the living room floor. He flipped through the boring channels but couldn't find anything interesting before he heard the kettle whistling. He threw the controller on the futon that had cluttered blankets and pillows where is mom usually crashed when she got home. He ran back to the kitchen and hopped onto the chair to turn off the heat before he poured the water into the cup, only spilling a few drops of hot water onto the counter this time. He put the kettle down on a cooler burner and dug through the dish drain for a pair of clean chopsticks.

He grabbed his cup, chopsticks and a can of soda before he went to the living room and plopped down on the futon. He set his after school snack down on a clean space on the floor and started looking for the remote again.

"In other news, police are still looking into the recent attacks in the local area." A woman reporter on screen said and Yusuke looked up, distracted from his search. He'd heard adults fretting lately about going out on the streets alone. He guessed this was what they were talking about. "Eyewitnesses have reported that a gang of 4 or 5 men in black and red have been targeting individuals; mugging them and beating them. And so far it seems they're only targeting people who are homosexuals. We can only assume this is just a large case of gay bashing."

"Well gays shouldn't be parading around like that if they don't want to be hunted down." came a rather cheerful response from the other reporter on screen and the first woman seemed to chuckle awkwardly at the statement. Yusuke blinked slowly, absorbing the scene before him. There was something that unsettled him and he quickly changed the channel before they could continue the report. He changed it to some cartoons and tried not to think about what he'd just heard. It wasn't that he hadn't had to fend off some gangs before, and was rather good at it; especially when he had to protect Keiko. But... who were these homosexuals? And why was it okay to attack them?

He soon forgot about the news when a fighting anime came on the screen and when his noodles were done steeping he swallowed them down hungrily. He was fully entertained for a couple hours until he heard the sound of a soft thump against the front door and the rattling of the door knob. Yusuke muted the tv to listen, hearing more rattling.

"Yusuke, I forgot my key." Atsuko said and Yusuke got up, walking over to the door and unlocked it. When he opened it, there was his mother.

"You left the door unlocked again." Yusuke told her angrily and Atsuko walked in, kicking off her high heel shoes and carried two paper grocery bags in her arms. She headed towards the kitchen and Yusuke shut and locked the door after her.

"Yes, because I forgot my key." She said and placed her bags on the cluttered counter, tossing some things in the garbage pile and she pushed some hair out of her face. Yusuke looked at his mom from the kitchen door way. She was wearing jeans and a low cut shirt and she looked like she was going to crash soon on the futon and hog the tv. She started putting away most of the instant foods and put one bag right under the sink, where Yusuke knew she kept her booze. She also started up the kettle and pushed Yusuke's chair away from the stove. It was a little odd, he supposed; that was their only chair, but no one ever sat in it.

"How was school?" his mother asked and Yusuke shrugged.

"Boring." He replied and Atsuko dug out a cigarette from a nearly empty pack and lit it with a lighter, breathing in the nicotine with a few puffs of smoke. He could tell she was only half listening.

"That's good." She said absently and got out a beer to go with her dinner.

"Mom." Yusuke asked and Atsuko hummed, showing she heard him, "What's a homosexual?" His mother raised her eyebrows at him and blinked, the stick hanging out of her mouth.

"A homo?" She asked, "What brought that up?"

"The tv." he said and Atsuko nodded.

"Oh, it's just a gay person." she said and poured the hot water into the cup before it started boiling.

"A gay person?" he asked.

"Yeah." Atsuko said slowly and opened her beer, taking a swig before elaborating, "Oh, it's a person who likes the same sex. Er..." She could see she was just confusing her son and she thought about how to relate it to a little boy who knew nothing of sex yet, "It's when a boy likes a boy, or a girl likes a girl."

"Oh." Yusuke said slowly, his head tilting to the side, eyes rolling to the wall for a moment in thought, "I don't like girls..." His mom chuckled a bit and took her noodles and beer into the living room and took up where Yusuke was sitting before.

"Well you're still young, you'll like girls when you're older." she assured him and Yusuke hopped onto the futon beside his mother. She unmuted the tv and she smiled. "Oh, I remember this cartoon from when I was younger." she said and Yusuke watched for a few minutes, smiling a little. He didn't care what anyone said about him mom. She was pretty cool for watching cartoons with him. He was a little relieved that he wasn't weird to his mom for not liking girls yet. Somehow she always managed to make sense of everything to him.

Yusuke didn't know exactly how he could ever like girls like the other boys liked girls, but he didn't worry about it since the tv was on and his mom shared her ramen with him. He didn't focus on the issue. There was no need to.

* * *

Fact: Gay bashing is still prominent today and is a very violent hate crime. In a culture that doesn't resist the dehumanization of homosexuals is nearly as bad as causing the violence itself. It's like a wife standing by a child that is being beat by a drunken enraged husband. This analogy also parallels with racism.

I think Atsuko is really cool, especially when you think of the fact that she raised Yusuke. All they have is each other. She got pregnant with him at 14, the dad skipped out and Atsuko practically raised him by herself (With the help of the Yukimoras of course). Over all she's got really good intent to be a good mom... but then there's the problem of her alcohol abuse.


	4. New and Improved Duds

Unfortunately the external with all my fanfiction is acting up so most of my stuff in inaccessible. Hopefully I'll get it fixed soon, so updates will rely on that factor. I'm hoping I can recover all my documents. Wish me luck all.

* * *

Yusuke didn't worry about liking girls for a long time, but that didn't mean he didn't hear about gays and homosexuals. He was surprised that he heard so much now that he knew what it was. He heard it in the hallways, hearing class mates jest at one another mockingly, "That's gay" or "You're such a fag." He heard the last one a lot. Fag. Fag seemed to be right up there with bastard and fuck. Fag. Cocksucker. Sissy. Pansy. Queer. Queen. Faggot. Fudge packer. He heard so many variations in over a year's time. And he waited. And he waited. And he HATED waiting. He was waiting for a time when he would start liking girls like him mom said, but it never happened. And the worst part was that every boy at school seemed to be all over girls. Liking girls seemed to be the new fad and Yusuke just wasn't part of the club.

Speaking of school, he was now attending Sarayashiki junior high and they had to wear ugly blue uniforms. Yusuke hated them but Keiko told him he looked fine in it when she was with him and Atsuko while they were uniform shopping. Yusuke looked in the mirror and his nose crinkled is disgust. It. Looked. AWEFUL on him. It hung on him like a paper sack and gave him no comfort about his image.

"It's ugly." he said and Keiko stood next to him in the three way mirror, wearing her own blue uniform which was to the middle of her shins and her own shirt was a bit baggy on her. He felt that it made her look like a baby doll reject. The uniforms were obviously made to be like prison suits. Being made to conform to the school. Making everyone depressed and miserable to fulfill their own sadistic appetite. Teachers disgusted him.

"We'll grow into them." Keiko said with a hopeful and optimistic tone, "that's... that's why school suggested we get uniforms that are a size big on us." Yusuke scoffed. It didn't make him feel any better than she was taller than him either.

"Fucking school picked lousy uniforms." Yusuke said and took off the baggy blue shirt, tossing it aside. He had his white t-shirt under it, "Mom, I need a smaller shirt."

"You sure?" Atsuko asked from the clothes rack.

"Yeah." Yusuke said impatiently and Keiko rolled her eyes.

"Why do you always have to be so difficult, Yusuke?" she asked, "These are the assigned uniforms. Why can't you be happy with that." Yusuke received another shirt from his mother and he slipped his arms through the sleeves.

"I have a reputation to keep up." Yusuke said proudly as he buttoned up the shirt, "I have to look cool."

"You have to look cool for going to class?" She asked skeptically.

"No, I got to look cool when I'm skipping class." He replied and Keiko pushed him, getting angry.

"You've got to stop skipping classes, you're in junior high now!" she snapped and Yusuke twirled around from the push, not loosing his balance, but he did finish buttoning the shirt. He looked in the mirror, ignoring Keiko's nagging. She didn't understand the reputation he had to keep up. He wanted people to leave him alone. And for people to leave him alone, they were going to have to identify him and learn to stay away from him. The smaller shirt hugged his waist more and didn't make him look like a potato sack. Much better, he thought. He shoved his hands in the pockets, taking up a cool pose in the full length mirror, but it still felt off because of the terrible grungy dark blue. How was he supposed to strike fear into his enemies when he looked like a giant blueberry?

"Better." He said, "It's still ugly though. Yours is too." Keiko's face reddened in anger.

"You're such a jerk!" she snapped and Atsuko held her hands up between the two of them.

"Now, now." she said, "Everyone got a uniform? We should get going."

"I want a cooler one." Yusuke complained and headed back to the changing room to get back into non-conformist clothes.

"It's the school's rules, Yusuke." Atsuko said and Yusuke shut the door with a little more force than necessary. He still heard them while he was changing out of the clothes.

"He's so stupid." Keiko huffed, "He looks fine in it. Like every one else." Atsuko chuckled tiredly.

"You've know Yusuke long enough to know he doesn't like being like everyone else." she said, "Go change and we'll go get something to eat."

"Okay..." Keiko said defeatedly and the door next to Yusuke's room was shut. Yusuke looked at himself in the mirror as he changed back into his jeans and t-shirt. He didn't like looking like everyone else because he wasn't like everyone else. No one really seemed to understand that. He still didn't like girls like his mom said he would. He found himself still looking at other boys. Only now he tried to control it better as he studied them. And when he caught himself looking, he forced himself to look away quickly. And when he was caught looking he put on a sour face and picked a fight. Usually they were smart and averted their gazes away and Yusuke felt better that they didn't suspect anything.

He left the changing room and handed the uniform to his mom. She sighed and folded it for him. He watched his mom and noticed that she'd looked tired for the past few days. Her last drinking binge had been a few weeks ago and he feared she'd be going on another one soon. Her binges were getting closer together and for longer periods of time. Yusuke didn't like it. She was stressed about something.

Keiko came out of the changing room in a casual skirt and blouse. Her uniform was already neatly folded. They wandered to the check out and Yusuke browsed the store's odds and ends. There was some tie-dye supplies and Yusuke blinked. He smirked and casually backed up to the display case and slipped some into his pocket and then followed Keiko and his mom when they called for him. He wasn't going to wear some ugly uniform just to appease some asshole teachers. He was going to switch it up a bit.

* * *

After some fast food and dropping Keiko at home, Atsuko left for work, leaving Yusuke to his own devices for the night. Yusuke pulled the fabric dye from his pocket and dumped his new school uniform onto the floor in the kitchen. He discovered what color he'd picked and grimaced.

"Oh great. Sunshine yellow." He was about to pitch the bottle but paused, "Wait. Blue and yellow make green..." he grinned, "Sweet! I hope it comes out my shade." He went to work and followed the directions on the bottle. He boiled the water, added the salt, pitched in the clothes, burned his elbow on the pot. Cursed. Stirred the pot, watched some tv and waited.

In the end his fingers got stained yellow and he got some splotches on his jeans, but he hung up his new uniform over the kitchen chair so it could dry and he folded his arms, his sleeves rolled up and a proud smile on his face.

"That actually looks pretty cool." He said to himself, looking at the dark green uniform, "Everyone's gonna remember who Yusuke Urameshi is." There was something deeply satisfying about wearing what pleased him. His image was important to him, he always got a bit of a thrill when he got to wear exactly what he wanted.

He frowned a little. It wasn't like he was into fashion or anything, he reminded himself. Everyone had a look and he wanted one too. He was going to look cool. That was all. He walked back into the living room to wait for his clothes to dry. He was actually a little giddy for school tomorrow. He grinned and laughed. Man, he couldn't wait to see Keiko's reaction tomorrow.

Yusuke slept peacefully knowing his first day of junior high would be satisfying upon seeing everyone's shocked expressions. He could just imaging after school some punks calling him out to fight because of his insistence to be different and Yusuke grinding their face into the pavement. He hadn't had a good fight all summer, but he was looking forward to a little street action.

* * *

Also one of my favorite chapters. they never did explain where Yusuke got his unique uniform so he must have altered it some how. I think Kuwabara's was accidentally bleached a lighter color or something, but Yusuke's was purposely different.


	5. Green

Whew, got my stories backed up, so nothing was lost ^_^ Remember everyone, always back up your writing, especially your precious fanfiction

* * *

Yusuke was curled up in bed the night before, slowly drifting off. He was looking at his new uniform which was on his table haphazardly folded for the morning. He smiled and closed his eyes, but when a loud "bang!" echoed in the apartment his eyes snapped wide open and his body tensed.

"Fucking bastard!" Atsuko's voice was full of rage; drunken slurs embellishing her noise as she arrived home. "Of all the creeps-" there was another loud slam as the door was shut, and then another as it was shut again because it had swung back open. Yusuke guessed that they were going to need a new door again. Or use the last of the duct tape on it. "Trying to wiggle a few more bucks outta me for a blow. Well he can go suck is own cock for all I care. Fucking fag, that's what he is. He could go get fucked for all I care..." there was a hiccup and Yusuke groaned miserably. He covered his head to block out his mother's cursing and belittling every customer and man that did her wrong that day. Even the TV didn't drown out her anger. This wasn't the first time and Yusuke doubted this would be the last time she'd be like this.

What seemed to make it worse was all the gay references she used to vent her anger. Yusuke wasn't sure why it distressed him so much, but it always did. He always reheard all the slang for gay activity from school at home on one of his mom's binges. He felt ill and he couldn't get to sleep until it was just the tv he heard and his mother was passed out on her living room bed. He shut his eyes tight and it took him many minutes to find sleep, but it was restless and full of doubts.

* * *

"YUSUKE! WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR UNIFORM!" She yelled at him and Yusuke rubbed his ear.

"Ow, stop yelling, Keiko." he complained. His school bag was tucked under his arm and his hand was tucked in his pocket. The uniform turned out better than he could have hoped, and he had free access to his pockets like the other shirt hadn't allowed. And, he realized this morning that it revealed his backside more than he thought it would. Secretly he didn't mind though.

"It-it's green." she squeaked, horrified at his drastic change of color.

"Yeah, it's a great color on me." Yusuke said, lifting his nose into the air, feeling pretty cocky. She smacked him with her bag and Yusuke rubbed his head, stumbling back.

"You're such a delinquent!" She shouted, "I can't believe you!" Yusuke swelled with anger.

"Do you want me to do to school or not!" Yusuke yelled at her, "I'm in the stupid uniform, I got my stupid bag, stop yelling at me!"

"You're such a child!" she shouted and stomped off towards school. Yusuke frowned, following her.

"Nag hag." He muttered and she glared at him over her shoulder. He could tell that this was just going to be a peachy school year... But at least he would look cool on his first day of junior high.

* * *

Short chapter, but both are relevant. especially since I can never help noticing that Yusuke's uniform shows off a lot of butt.

Atsuko has always been somewhat in the prostitution circle, at least part time in my mind. It would account for much of the drinking, especially since she's raising Yusuke by herself. They never really say how she earns the money she does for them. I've heard she also may be in the yakuza, but that doesn't means she doesn't participate in the other either.

Fact: Using gay terms loosely out of anger hurts everyone and gives the misconception that being gay is bad. Even poking fun at someone can add to the bundle of confusion that a teenager will have.


	6. Locker Room

*Rubs hands together* Another one of my favorite chapters. I know there's been a long wait. -_- Writers block hit me a week ago and it's starting to let up now. Not to mention my sinus infection; which is also being taken care of.

* * *

At 12 years old, Yusuke started slicking back his hair with hair gel and started skipping classes more often. He wasn't sure how he could hate school any less from previous grades, but some how, Sarayashiki junior high made school even more unbearable. He didn't bother even attending all the detentions he'd racked up. The teachers were even more intent with making his life a living hell. Yusuke was convinced they lectured him just to hear themselves talk. He skipped as many times as he could without Keiko or his mom making him go. And he was starting to get into more serious, not to mention more entertaining, fights.

Though not now. Currently Yusuke was preoccupied with something else. He let out a breath quietly from the window, he didn't want to alert the people inside. His fingers gripped the window sill tightly as he hung from the second story window. He was strong enough to stay there for a couple minutes. It would only take that long for the girls to change into their uniforms for gym. he heard some other guys did the same thing. He just wanted to see what was so interesting.

He watched them strip out of their normal clothes and witnesses their bolder holders. Some were big, most were small, and some were changing into sports bras because they were very developed. Some girls were fat, others skinny. Most were short, but others tall. Yusuke looked around, and he even saw Keiko in that class, but it wasn't like he hadn't seen her underwear before.

Boring.

Yusuke dropped down, landing on his feet in a crouching position. Seeing girls naked still didn't stir any interest in him. He was bewildered because his balls had dropped ages ago. It was supposed to do something to him, right? He felt the same as he did a year ago. Confused and out of place. Although now he definitely felt a little more pissed off at the world. He wasn't weird or anything. Girls just didn't affect him. Maybe he just had to wait a bit longer, he decided and stood up, digging in his pocket as he walked. He planed to suck on a lemon drop and go back up to the roof but when he turned the corner he ran smack into Mr. Takenaka. Yusuke stumbled back, blinking up at the man.

"Yusuke, why aren't you in gym, right now?" Takenaka asked with a knowing look on his face. Yusuke frowned. Out of all the teachers, Takenaka had to be the most persistent. He was the only teacher that didn't kick him out immediately after he did something wrong. He insisted on dragging him to class like Keiko.

"I had to take a piss." Yusuke lied and turned away to make his escape, "going back now-hey!" Yusuke was yanked by his ear and he was pulled along in the other direction.

"Gym class is this way." Takenaka said and escorted the boy to the boy's locker room and he was pushed in, "I'm telling the gym teacher to keep an eye on you," he warned and allowed the door to shut behind him. Yusuke stood straight and glared at the door.

"Asshole." Yusuke muttered and looked up, seeing most of his class mates were changing still. Yusuke paused and looked away for a split second, feeling out of place again. What the hell? He wandered in slowly and the feeling that warmed his belly was unwelcome, especially when he saw one of his more muscular class mates strip off his shirt, revealing his back. Yusuke's heart started racing and his face turned red. Many fit male bodies filled the room, and they hadn't noticed his presence yet. He was surprised they couldn't hear his heartbeat echoing on the tile walls.

Yusuke turned back to try to sneak back out the door but when he peeked out his eyes met with a waiting Takenaka and he cursed, shutting the door again. He stomped into the locker room and avoided all eye contact as he went to his locker. Thankfully most of them could tell that he was in a bad mood and got out of his way fairly quickly. He was so grateful for his dangerous reputation at that moment. It got them all to leave him alone. Though he was so pissed off he nearly forgot his locker combination.

This wasn't fair at all, he decided. Why did adults torture him like this? He didn't want to be in a room packed full of other boys. They forced him to be here. Nor did he want to be running around doing pointless games. Which he whooped everyone at anyway. Like dodgeball, he remembered a bit fondly as he took out his gym clothes. Yusuke debated not changing but being dragged out by his ear again didn't sound appealing. He'd have to figure a way to get around that problem.

He didn't change until almost everyone had left and he wouldn't have people looking at him. He felt stupid standing there, remembering all the guys he'd seen when he'd come in. What was wrong with him? Wasn't that supposed to happen with the girls. But no, they didn't effect him. But the other guys... they were the ones that made him feel...

Yusuke slammed his locker shut and stomped to the door. He couldn't even stand to be in the locker room any more. He opened the door and as predicted, there was Takenaka. Yusuke glared at him and the teacher just gave him a stern look back.

"Happy now?" Yusuke snapped angrily.

"I'll be happy when you can come to class on your own." Takenaka replied and Yusuke stomped off towards where the rest of the students were gathering. Yusuke vowed then to never get caught for gym again. He'd do everything in his power to escape this torturous class. It didn't even teach him anything. He could already beat up everyone in this school. He wasn't going to run around like an idiot for the entertainment of these teachers.

He vowed that he would never set foot in that locker room again.

* * *

I remember Yusuke specifically hated gym in one of the earlier episodes, and he also said that he knew what it felt like when he spied on the girls in the locker room somewhere in the dark tournament. I always sort of wondered why Yusuke disliked the one class he would actually be good at, then I realized the locker room.


	7. First meeting

I think... I think it's not too soon to say that my mojo is back. Sorry for the long wait everyone. -_- Stuff... you know. Stuff. anyway, I hope to get back on the ball with this again before something else distracts me.

* * *

Yusuke avoided gym for all but 2 days of the school year. And for the two times he was caught, he snuck out the locker room window. He refused be caught in that situation again. The uncomfortable reactions of his body were too much. He refused to think of other guys like that. He didn't think of other guys like that. He wasn't gay.

Keiko had became more annoying, pestering him to attend class; yelling at him for not caring. Well, along with not caring he was getting pissed off a lot more. Stupid girls. Stupid guys chasing said girls. He didn't understand why everyone was getting their testies in a knot over it. He didn't understand why everyone got it but him. It made him insanely frustrated.

He was growing intensely frustrated with this stupid waiting. Every other guy seemed to have their sights set on girls now. All he heard when guys spoke was the hot girls in school or the parts they liked on girls. Yusuke himself tried, again and again to see what was so appealing about girls, but still, he felt nothing but annoyance towards the opposite sex. He'd even violated is childhood friend Keiko's personal boundaries, trying to find something appealing. Boobs were squishy, and fun to grab and run away, but there was nothing arousing about them. Legs were soft and angled awkwardly and could easily be knocked off balance. Their hips were wide and butts were plump. The hour glass figure and long hair. They weren't really that physically strong. Dainty, chatty, loud girls. He didn't like them.

Yusuke trotted down the street after school hours with his fists shoved in his pockets. He was going to grab something to eat from one of the shops that still let him in. But before he could enter one of his favorite corner stores, a gang of four stepped in his way. Yusuke stopped and glanced at them. They were wearing his school uniform, only in the correct color. He sized them up; one was much taller than him, two of them where his height, and one was shorter and fatter than the rest. But the one that caught Yusuke's attention most was the one with orange pompadour hair and at least 6 feet tall. Yusuke's eyes lingered on him, especially since the guy was in front of the rest of the gang. The guy must have been half American. He didn't look Japanese at all. He had an odd face and Yusuke wasn't sure what to think of him at first. The guy held up balled fists, all prepared for a fight.

"Are you Yusuke Urameshi?" The tall one asked, pointing an accusing finger at him, looking at him with narrowed eyes. His voice was deep, bordering grainy. At that moment, Yusuke's mind betrayed him. He kinda liked the way this guy looked and he liked his voice. It was weird because Yusuke didn't normally like people. And apparently he didn't answer fast enough because the tall guy stepped closer and grabbed him by the front of his jacket and yanked him onto his toes, bringing him face to face. "Are you deaf or something, punk?" Yusuke's eyes narrowed. Cute guy or not, This guy was looking for a fight, so Yusuke gave it to him...

A few minutes later, the orange haired guy was face planted in the pavement and Yusuke dusted off his hands. The other three were also unconscious, but the one who took the worse beating was the one who started it. Yusuke put his hands in his hips and he frowned. That had been vastly disappointing. The tall guy looked pretty tough but he didn't last any longer than anyone else he'd faced. Interest lost, Yusuke turned away, going in for that sandwich.

But while in the store in the deli, while picking out his dinner, Yusuke paused, a deli sub in his hand. He just realized he'd called that ugly bastard cute in his head and he was stunned. The only thing running through Yusuke's mind at that point was a long line of "-shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh-" He dropped the sandwich, which he'd kind of crushed in his hand and he made a bee-line out the door, heading straight home without even stopping to admire the damage he'd done to the other teenager. It wasn't like he WANTED to find that ugly lug attractive. He didn't want to find ANY guy attractive. He would happily find NObody attractive because he hated that warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. He hated feeling weaker because of it.

"I'm NOT gay." He told himself when he got home as he looked in the bathroom mirror, "I'm not a fag." He glared hard at his own reflection. Gays were chipper, effeminate guys, who were as weak as girls. He was nothing like that. He was tough and strong. He'd beaten all the gangs that he'd come across in the city. He could defend himself and everyone knew he wasn't gay. He was anything but weak. And he most certainly did not find ugly bastards cute.

For some reason he wasn't comforted by what he told himself. He was partly reminded of two years ago when he told himself on the roof that he was normal. It just... didn't feel right

* * *

Ah, that first meeting, always ends up feeling like a big blur. And thus sets in the first wave of denial for Yusuke. I know there's quite a bit of material on how Kuwabara was connected to Yusuke after the first few fights, and not much from Yusuke's POV. Perhaps a combination of ignoring people and not wanting to get to know people.


	8. Slim Pickings

_Ah, remember the 90s? When there were no cell phones our internet porn? Yes? Didn't they suck? Lol. Anyway, this chapter is more sexual than the rest, but I felt it should be included. My BF even checked it over for me, cause I haven't had experiance with male puberty, lol._

* * *

Yusuke, like any other boy, masturbated. The only problem Yusuke had that most boys seemed NOT to have was finding material that turned them on. Every time that Yusuke was at school there was at least three dirty magazines or video tapes being passed from hand to hand. Unfortunately, it was all porn of girls. It was very easy to get a hold of. Nearly every convenience store had at least 2 dirty mags, even if they only had soft core stuff. But it did nothing for Yusuke's loins.

It was hard to get a decent picture of a guy with his shirt off. Yusuke felt guilty for thinking it, but he couldn't help it. He was so tired of seeing tits and skirts. The only thing that helped him get off was picturing a broad shoulders with hard pecs and a sheen of sweat...

Yusuke shook his head, groaning as he lay in bed. Getting the dirty deed done was not easy when he kept snapping himself out of his fantasy. He reminded himself that it wasn't technically gay unless he thought about cock. Which he tried to avoid. At all costs. But still, his body still demanded attention.

Yusuke released his own half hard cock. He hated it because he wanted to get off, but to get off he fantasized about men, but to fantasize about men would be gay. And Yusuke was NOT gay; he constantly told himself so.

Annoyed, Yusuke got up and threw on some pants before heading out to the kitchen for a snack. It was the weekend, so he wasn't bugged by either his mother or Keiko to leave the house today; thus he did not. But now he was utterly bored. On the plus side, his mom was out, so he could watch all the cartoons he wanted.

So after grabbing a soda and a bag of chips, he plopped down on the living room futon. He hurked when he sat on an empty bottle and he chucked it away from him, the racket of glass making him wince for a moment. Then he started digging for the remote, which still eluded him after many years. Instead of the remote he found 3 more bottles and one magazine under the pillow.

"I hope she's not on another binge." He said ruefully. She'd been on a horrible drinking adventure last month and Yusuke truly thought she'd died in the gutter. But she had just stumbled in 3 days later, complaining about the worse hangover of her life and Yusuke got back at her by yelling at her for it, knowing her head was pounding only made it more satisfying.

Yusuke stared at the magazine for a moment, realizing it wasn't a girlie mag. Well... When he thought girlie magazines he thought of celebrity gossip and fashion/makeup. There wasn't a girl on the cover either, it was a guy on it, naked and wearing only a hard hat over his junk. Muscled, tan flesh with dark hair and hard eyes staring out into the world. Yusuke's face heated up and his wilted erection was back to full attention...

* * *

It wasn't fair, Yusuke decided after he'd jerked off properly for the first time in forever. He tossed the magazine away from him, near the bottles of empty booze. He was disgusted with himself for jerking off to the cover if one of his mom's magazines. He hadn't even peeked inside, just the provocative cover was enough to heat up his blood. Yusuke wiped his hand on his pants, grumbling. He felt low for giving in to the temptation of bring turned on my men. But... He couldn't help it.

Yusuke quietly stared at the half open pages that had fluttered open over some of the bottles. It wasn't like he was... Having sex with anyone, Yusuke reasoned to himself slowly. So... It was just a book, it wasn't like he was actually touching some other guy that way.

Yusuke bit his lip, thinking back to all the difficulty he had before with getting off. He reasoned that no one had to know. This didn't make him gay...

He stood up and picked up the magazine by it's spine and completely forgot his snack; heading back into his bedroom.

* * *

Atsuko never asked about her magazine and Yusuke never mentioned it to her, though he did remember her tearing up the house once sober enough to notice something was missing. Yusuke looked through the magazine at his leisure on nights alone. He was surprised at how many pictures of naked men there were. And to his embarrassment, he found them all really attractive, much more so than any girls he'd seen. He found he really liked the muscular builds with wide shoulders and rougher looks to them. He actually liked the less good looking guys; they just had this edge to them that was appealing. But he could tell none of the men in the magazine got into fights, they all looked like models. Probably because they were models, but that was besides the point

It irked him after a bit that the guys were TOO good looking for his taste. Not a scar was on one of them. No signs of scuffling. They were all cleaned up for the cameras. It a way it made them plain, somewhat boring when he was just looking at them. He heard beggars couldn't be choosers, but he'd really been more attracted to some of the guys on the fighting shows and in action movies.

Then there were the dirty stories... Yusuke would never admit that he sometimes found them helpful when he was trying to get the deed done. Of course they were straight stories, but much different from any of the guy porn he looked at. He didn't put any thought into why it worked, but it did. And he could honestly say he was looking at straight porn; and push away the fact that it focused on guys.

Masculinity securely intact.

* * *

_Ah, sorry about the long wait guys. I have valid excuses. Vacation and Otakon kept me busy last month. Good news is I'll be posting many more chapters in the upcoming days. I really appreciate all your reviews and patience *bows*_


	9. Number One Punk

Yusuke had put the fight with the small gang with the red head out of his head for days. The less he thought about it, the easier he could forget the warmth the feeling brought. It wasn't the most comfortable feeling. Embarrassment, was first, followed by the twisting of his gut and the tightening of his chest. He hated it. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be seeing the red head again, though. Everyone he beat so far learned their lesson and shuffled away at his presence. His classmates at school start shaking whenever he chose to show his face at school. His reputation was finally preceding him, which made him smirk as he left Sarayashiki. He liked it when people left him alone. They didn't bother him, he didn't break any noses.

Yusuke walked home on the empty streets, finally headed home from a lousy day at school. The one time he actually stayed the whole day all of his teachers sprung tests on him. They whined about him not coming to classes and vomited all other kinds of righteous bull shit. Why the hell should he show up if all they're gonna do anyway is parade about the whole class about when he's NOT there. Yusuke almost wished he didn't have such a fearsome reputation that the moment, just so someone would pick a fight with him. He could have used a punching bag right about then...

Yusuke heard someone behind him, foot falls a little faster than his, as though to catch up with him, but definitely in his direction.. He stopped and looked over his shoulder, casting a glare in the person's direction.

"Following for a reason?" he asked, knowing well enough what a gang up felt like. He lifted an eyebrow, surprised to find it was that redhead from a few days ago. The bandages around one hand and the band-aids on his face showed he was not fully healed from the first encounter. He was also alone. Yusuke supposed he'd gone easy on the tall guy because of his earlier soft thoughts. Well he decided not to make the same mistake twice; not on a day like this.

"What a stupid question." The red head's scratchy voice growled and he clenched his bruised fist, holding it up in determination, "I'm here to finish what I started!" Yusuke lifted his head more, turning towards the taller teenager.

"What are you blabbering on about?" Yusuke asked. The red head slammed his fist into his hand, putting on a fairly convincing show of intimidation.

"I'm gonna grind yer face into the pavement." His punk accent came across stronger, completely serious. Yusuke stared at him for a good moment, taking in what the red head had just said, and then he burst out laughing, nearly doubling over from the force of it. "Shut up! I'm Kazuma Kuwabara, number one punk of Shiriashiki Junior High!" Yusuke took a deep breath, and a few more chuckles left him before he could speak again, wiping tears from his eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a good laugh.

"I think you're delusional." Yusuke resting his hands on his hips, "That title belongs to me." Even though he hated that school, he wasn't about to let some no name say he was tougher than himself. He eyed the guy, sobering quickly. The guy in front of him was nearly quaking with anger, "Kuwabara, eh? Nope, never heard of ya."

"Is that so? Well let me just jog your memory, punk!" The red head sprinted for him and Yusuke planted his feet firmly, "Nobody forgets fightin' me!" Yusuke saw the punch coming and ducked, using his height to his advantage and the taller teen stopped in his tracks. The distinct sound of bones crunching was very audible in the silence. Yusuke pulled back, seeing the pain contorted in the other's eyes. The grin from earlier returned.

"Hey! I think you're right! The sound of your ribs breaking does ring a bell." Yusuke lunged forward, making the guy stumble back a few steps, but not yet falling. Yusuke quickly followed up with slamming his elbow into the guy's jaw, and the rest was like a dance that he'd come to know so well. Knocking heads into the asphalt was as natural as skipping classes and finding his mom's bottles in the furniture. The red head didn't hold up as well as the first fight since his rib had been re-broken and in minutes he was a crumpled heap on the ground. Yusuke spat on the ground, then looked up at the sky. Another disappointing fight where he hadn't broken a sweat. He pulled one of his candies from his pocket and sauntered away.

"...Hey, you pu-punk..." The wheeze made Yusuke stop and look down at the broken body, curious to see how the guy was still conscious. Yusuke didn't think he really was conscious because his one eye was already re-swelling and the other was closed tight, "-I'm not finished wit' ya yet..." Yusuke rolled his eyes and continued walking.

"Sheesh, guy doesn't even stop when he's out cold." he trotted off, remembering the butterflies from the first meeting was nothing like now. There were less uncomfortable warm fuzzies, but still warmer than normal. He was relieved and knew he'd given the asshole a ripe thrashing. He knew from experience that he wouldn't be seeing that red head again. Everyone cleared out of his way after the first fight. So this had to be a guarantee that this guy wouldn't be coming back.

But even as he thought that, Yusuke couldn't be happy about it. He didn't know why. The guy had been entertaining for a little bit. Yusuke snickered, remembering when the red head had proclaimed himself number one punk of Shariashiki Junior High. He didn't even know there was a title like that. Well he'd take it. Maybe start using it.

Yusuke walked home, not noticing that it was the first time he'd been so chipper after fighting someone and that there was an unusual bounce to his step all the way home.

* * *

Just so you know, yes, I totally ripped the lines straight from the anime, because I figured that I should go through what is going though Yusuke's mind at this time since the anime covered what Kuwabara was feeling. You guys will probably see why in a few chapters. Enjoy guys.


	10. Wet Spots

It wasn't uncommon for Yusuke to have dreams where he was fighting, reveling in the thrill of the victory and usually squashing Iwamoto's face into the pavement. Those were the kinds of dreams that made it a good day. But the type of dreams he was starting to have lately had even more gratifying elements to them; even though Yusuke himself didn't admit to it.

There was still fighting, which wasn't the weird part, but usually he was against many opponents who he had fun taking out with his superior moves and strength. But in these strange dreams he was only fighting one person, grappling and wrestling, which was not part of Yusuke's usual style. Yusuke usually jump kicked a thug in the head or knocked the wind out of them with a well placed punch.

But this dream had him in close contact with a very strong, very muscular opponent. And he was actually keeping Yusuke in place for the most part. They were both bruised and bloody, from exchanged hits. Yusuke had to hand it to the faceless guy, he could take a hit. Somehow they always lost their clothes but neither seemed to notice, in fact, neither really cared that they were in a back alley that was open but if anyone decided to take a short cut they'd see them.

Eventually the strikes we're dissipating and the man knelt between his legs so Yusuke couldn't kick him very well and Yusuke's wrists were pinned beside his head, opening up Yusuke's body to this stranger. But the strange and most disturbing part to Yusuke, when he was awake, was the fact that he wasn't disliking the fact he was under someone, in fact, it gave him such a thrill to be pinned down.

And then there was a point where the struggling became grinding and soon thrusting. Yusuke wasn't screaming curses but moaning, even begging for the other person to go harder...

Yusuke always woke up from those dreams in the middle of the night, with flushed skin and there was always an uncomfortable wet spot somewhere. He always wore pants now since his mom sometimes barged in drunk to tell him the most random things with the most chipper voice while she smelled of booze.

Yusuke held his head as he sat in bed, the images from moments ago sticking around longer than he wished them too. He hid his face in his sheets, knowing that the event got more vivid in detail and intensity each time he had it. The man he was with was still faceless and Yusuke hated his own reactions in the dream. He wasn't someone who let himself be overtaken by another man that easily. He thought of 5 different ways immediately at how he could have toppled the guy off of him and gotten away. He didn't understand wanting to be under someone like that, especially when he OBVIOUSLY enjoyed winning and beating assholes to a pulp. And he didn't just BEG for something; It was so below everything he knew. Yusuke was so frustrated with his dreams betraying him like this. Why were they making him see everything he didn't want to be true?

He shucked off his pants and tossed them in a pile, unable to stand the mess that was there in the morning. He tiredly grabbed another pair of boxers, pulled him on and rolled over, determined NOT to have another dream like that.

* * *

Ah, it seems Yusuke subconscious is even betraying him.


	11. Laudry

One day, Yusuke was getting home from school and he'd just put down his bag when he saw his mom was home, and not drunk. Or at least not drunk yet. She was in her jeans and a sweater and she was stuffing an extra pack of cigarettes in her pockets for the night.

"Going out?" Yusuke asked, a hint of agitation in his voice. On nights like this he didn't know of she'd be back in the morning or next week.

"Yup, you'll take good care of the place, right?" She asked and paused while walking towards the door, remembering something she went back to her room. He could tell she'd already had a few by the way she moved fluidly and nearly bumped into her own door frame in her hurry.

"Yeah, I'll watch the apartment." He said and flipped on the TV before he headed towards the kitchen for something to eat.

"By the way, I did laundry today." Atsuko told him from her bedroom.

"Okay?" Yusuke wasn't particularly surprised, but he did end up doing his own laundry half the time when she was gone so this was a nice change for his otherwise unbearable morning at school. Yusuke was making himself a sandwich when his mother came in and she didn't seem her chipper self. She almost looked sober. Yusuke blinked as she walked up to him, "Mom, you're creeping me out."

"Look, I just..." She tapped her head with a few fingers, as if filtering through the alcohol haze to collect a string of words that made sense. Yusuke raised an eyebrow, a bit confused. He couldn't remember his mom looking so lost before, even while intoxicated. She took a deep breath and didn't exactly look her son in the eye, "I did your laundry." Yusuke's brows furrowed, confused.

"Okay, aaaand?" He wasn't sure where she was going with this. She'd been doing his laundry for most of his life. She cleared her throat.

"And I know you're becoming a man, and I know boys go though changes around your age..." She said and It took Yusuke a minute, frowning in confusion before his soiled shorts came to mind. A deep flush spread out on his face.

"Oh shit, you did the laundry..." his awareness grew on what his mother must have thought and his embarrassment grew. She only nodded briskly.

"And um... if you had any questions for me, about anything, you can ask me. I mean, I can at least try to answer..." She stood there, off kilter for a moment and Yusuke couldn't help but feel like a deer caught in headlights. "Did... did you have any questions-"

"NO." Yusuke cut her off and held his head, gripping his hair, his palms over his ears, "No, mom, I'm good, we don't need to have any stupid talk." He'd often heard of The Talk, where parents explained to their children about their bodies and things kids didn't need to hear from their PARENTS. Because parents didn't go through that sort of thing, they had no clue what was going on. And his MOTHER especially had NO clue what he was going through.

Atsuko actually looked relieved, "Okay, that's great." Yusuke uncovered his ears and Atsuko shoved something into his hand before she started backing out of the kitchen, "Just, if you EVER have sex with anyone, you MUST use these, okay. These equal sex, got it?" She wagged her finger at him one last time before leaving his sight. Yusuke looked down to see what 'these' was. He opened his hand and his eyes widened in horror to see they were packets of condoms. His face became a nice shade of crimson, "And if you ever need more, there are some in my top draw!" Atsuko called from the front door.

"Just leave already mom!" he yelled and he heard the door finally shut. Yusuke tossed away the condoms on the other side of the kitchen as if they burned him and he had completely lost his appetite. "That... had to be the most embarrassing conversation of my life." he said and went to the living room to repress the moment with some good old fashion action movie, and maybe one of his mom's beers.

* * *

Ah, Atsuko. She just doesn't want her son getting pregnant. I think that's a reasonable thing. This was one of my favorite scenes to write ^_^


	12. Friends

After the most embarrassing conversation of his life, Yusuke didn't see his mom for several days and he got bored while waiting around the house and watching cartoons. And also hungry. He'd eaten the last cup of ramen the night before and was scouting out the cheap places to eat down town. Next time his mom was sober he was making her go shopping. He even planned to stash her booze until she did so. He would even drink some himself just to spite her drinking habits.

He'd finally settled on going to Keiko's to let her dad cook for him because they always liked feeding him there for some reason. They were the nicest parents that Yusuke had ever met. They didn't think Yusuke was a bad kid, which was weird because the rest of the city did. It was nice though.

His trip to get food was delayed because when he was a block away from the restaurant, he heard running his his direction. He turned to look and saw a familiar pompadour and three lackeys. Yusuke was confused when Kuwabara planned his foot into the pavement and took up an offensive stance, that same determined look on his mug as every time before. Yusuke was surprised that the redhead was back to fight him. It had only been a little over a week, but Kuwabara looked better than their last encounter. Kuwabara even had a few less bandaging.

"You been avoiding me punk?!" Kuwabara shook his fist threateningly and his gang looked all healed up, but not as eager to see Yusuke as the other guy was. They had the same look as everyone else did at school; fear, and a healthy dose of it. But the tall guy, he wasn't scared at all. Yusuke wasn't sure what to make of that, but he'd be damned if he was going to back down. He stuck his pinky in his ear and glanced at Kuwabara over his shoulder.

"Who are you?" He said in the most blasé tone he could muster. It helped that he was hungry and slightly grumpy. The tall one bristled and his fist clenched close to his face.

"I'm Kazuma Kuwabara, and I'll make you remember it if it's the last thing I do!" Kuwabara charged him with a yell, his gang following him up, but Yusuke could see it was more out of concern for their leader than for a fight.

"Guess I'll get my warm up today after all." Yusuke said with a smirk and caught Kuwabara's punch in his hand, countering it with a punch to the square jaw that suddenly gave him a flash of dejavu, but he ignored it because he was back in the thrill of the street fight. Yusuke took the few seconds of Kuwabara's stunned stumbling to look around, noting that the gang wasn't jumping it. It was a one on one fight. Weird. Kuwabara was back in the fight quickly and Yusuke sideswiped a punch to land a devastating blow to the vulnerable stomach. And when Kuwabara doubled over from getting the wind knocked out of him, Yusuke grabbed his head of orange hair and drove his knee into the already bruised jaw. There were pained gasped from the on lookers, especially when Kuwabara stumbled back, looking dazed, but not falling. Yusuke smirked, glad that Kuwabara wasn't a one hit knock out anymore. But another few well placed punches, Yusuke knocked Kuwabara into the near by trash, and that's finally where he stayed because the red head's body wouldn't get back up. But that didn't mean the guy was unconscious. He shook his fist at Yusuke, yelling as Yusuke continued on his way to the Yukimura's restaurant, shoving his hands back in his pockets

"You got Lucky! Next time you're kissin' pavement!" Kuwabara shouted at him and Yusuke returned it with a smirk.

"Yeah, Yeah. You ever beat me and I'll become a nun." Yusuke chuckled and walked away, hearing the little gang shuffling over to check and see if Kuwabara needed any help. Yusuke ignored the group, his smile turning sour as he walked away from them. He didn't know why he didn't like it when Kuwabara's gang gathered around the ugly lug. They showed their support for him pretty openly. Yusuke had never known that loyalty.

Yusuke scoffed, pushing it out of his mind. He didn't need dead weights like that hanging around him. It wasn't like they helped Kuwabara fight him. They stayed out of his way, like any sane people. Kuwabara didn't though. Yusuke's mouth twitched into a little bit of a smile. He kinda liked that Kuwabara wasn't quite rational. He was the first person who came back to fight him again. And it was the stupidest thing in the world, but Yusuke couldn't really say he minded.

* * *

All the fights. I remember the beginning of the show Keiko mentioned that Yusuke didn't have many friends, so Kuwabara's gang doesn't make much sense to him. Yusuke doesn't like them because he's never had friends like that. Not til he gets his little Team Urameshi together.

Ah, I've been getting a few inquiries as to the Dark Tournament, but this fic really won't go to that. So I was wondering what everyone wants to see during the Dark Tournament and then perhaps I'd make a spin off fic on Yusuke's thoughts. Review or PM me and I'll see what I can do with it.


	13. Marriage

Yusuke made it to the Yukimura residence and sat down at the bar where Keiko's dad was frying up some food for another customer. He smiled a bit. Sometimes he looked at Mr. Yukimura as a dad more than anyone else. The man already treated him like a son.

"Hey Mr. Yukimura." Yusuke said and the older man looked up, a smile on his face.

"Yusuke, good to see you!" The cheerful tone always made Yusuke feel at home, more than he did at his apartment.

"Got anything to eat? I'm starved." Yusuke rubbed his growling stomach.

"Now, now." Mr. Yukimura put on an almost too serious face, waving his spoon around, "What does this look like, a restaurant?" the pan sizzled for a moment and then they both laughed at the irony. "The usual then?"

"Yeah." Yusuke said, watching food get passed to the other customer before Mr. Yukimura started on his food, "My mom can pay you back when she shows up."

"Oh, don't worry about it." he said lightheartedly and the wafting food made Yusuke's stomach whine in want. The Yukimura family made great food. He wouldn't mind being in a restaurant all day, especially if he got food like this all the time. It was so peaceful there... at least until he heard someone huff behind him and the strong impact of a book knocked him forward, nearly over the counter. He yelped and caught himself; only one person actually managed to strike him and made him react. He looked behind him, not surprised to see Keiko there with her math book in her hands, looking furious with his presence.

"Keiko." Both Yusuke and Mr. Yukimura said in different tones. Yusuke's was more of a knowing annoyance while Mr. Yukimura's was mostly affectionate, as though watching two young animals fight and it was no big deal.

"Don't Keiko me, Yusuke." Keiko tucked her book under one arm, "You skipped your last class yesterday."

"Oh come on Keiko, the rat never says anything important." Yusuke sat back in his chair and swung it so he could look at her, his arm resting on the back of the chair, "Give me a break."

"You take too many breaks as it is." Keiko huffed.

"Now now." Mr. Yukimura waved his spatula at Keiko, "With a sour face like that, you'll scare away all the customers." Yusuke's food was served to him with a smile, as always, "Eat up and keep your strength up young man."

"Don't encourage him." Keiko slid into the chair next to Yusuke's, deciding to ignore Yusuke right out in the open. Mr. Yukimura returned to his cooking and cleaning while Yusuke dug into his food heartily.

"SMILE Keiko, or you'll never attract a husband." Mr. Yukimura said cheerfully.

"I'm twelve, Dad." She said with her fists pushed into her cheeks. Yusuke glanced at her and smirked a bit. It wouldn't be the scowl that turned the guys off, it would be those pig tails and that stupid girl's uniform.

"Guess that means I'll just have to marry you." Yusuke said casually and drank the broth to his dish, catching Keiko straighten up a bit more and also a blush crossed her cheeks. She'd been doing that for the past few months or so; getting all flustered sometimes when he said things. He grinned, playing up the act, "What do ya say Keiko? We'll get married when we get old."

"How old is old?" She asked tentatively.

"Like 18, or something." Yusuke said and Mr. Yukimura laughed quietly in the background.

"Then I must be ancient." the older man wandered back to talk to another customer about their order.

"You mean when we get out of high school?" She asked and Yusuke scoffed, making her nose wrinkle.

"Maybe I'll skip high school." He said and Keiko frowned.

"You can't skip high school." She started going back into lecture mode again.

"Well if I skip high school, we can get married faster, right?" He asked, making her cheeks flare up again. It was so easy to make her blush, he almost felt bad. Almost.

"It doesn't work like that." She tucked her hands into her lap. Yusuke chewed his food thoughtfully. It wasn't the first time he'd teased Keiko about marrying her. After all, it already felt like they were married. She nagged him about his life and never minded her own business. She was the only friend he ever really had, and she was also the only girl he could really stand to be around. She was actually really cool when she laughed, but it wasn't often that she did that anymore. School was sucking the fun right out of her.

He watched Keiko's parents, who were the only married people he knew that had that "normal" marriage. They got along most of the time, except for stupid stuff, like yelling where the flat noodles were and nitpicking over what ingredient went in what dish. But they usually acted like, well, adults, the almost cool kind. But since adults couldn't be cool, they were not. They baby sat Yusuke when he was younger when his mom had to be out for a long time all night so he knew what normal could be like. It was nice sometimes.

If marriage was just living with Keiko, who nagged him now and probably would forever more, then Yusuke figured it was the best deal he could get. Besides, he heard that married people didn't have sex so he'd never have to actually sleep with Keiko. Yeah, perfect plan. Yusuke smiled to himself and finished his meal.

* * *

Mr. Yukimura said once that Yusuke would play the marriage thing often. The reason was probably because it was funny to see her reaction, and a security for Yusuke's heterosexuality. So essentially, Keiko is Yusuke's beard, lol. I know Mr. Yukimura said that Yusuke was a family friend so it's reasonable that Atsuko's friends with the Yukimura parents. It took me a while to like Keiko, at least until after she stopped obsessing over Yusuke, they're really good friends though, and I like them like that. Yusuke doesn't QUITE understand what marriage is at this point.

This is the last chapter I had prepared, but hopefully I can wrap up a few more scenes and post the rest fairly soon. Reviews are love ^_^.


	14. Smile

Decided to get off my butt and finish this fic. There's not too much more to do, just 3 more chapters.

* * *

Yusuke was not the type of person to keep track of anything, but at one point, he did wonder when he started to look forward to fighting the stubborn asshole that sought him out every week or so. He'd had many more encounters with Kuwabara, but he didn't know if it was 6 or 8 times that they'd fought already. He found it refreshing to see someone on a regular basis who he could whoop without feeling bad about it.

Yusuke currently was perched on a brick wall that was close to his school. He rested his hands on the warm brick with his school bag beside him. Frankly, he was bored; having been kicked out by the rat-bastard Akashi. Not that Yusuke minded about being kicked out, that class sucked balls anyway. So he was waiting for something to happen that would make his day interesting. Anything really. Yusuke had an itch to start something. Yusuke didn't sit quietly very well.

Yusuke adjusted on the wall and his knee tipped his bag over onto the sidewalk. He sighed and dropped the few feet to the ground, landing in a crouch. Someone stepped closer to him and Yusuke looked up, finding Kuwabara; his growing favorite on his punching bag list.

"You really got a pain fetish, Kuwabara." Yusuke stood up, leaving his bag on the ground for the inevitable brawl. For some strange reason, Kuwabara smiled, but it wasn't the usual cocky grin that Yusuke had seen in fleeting moments of confidence before a fight. This was different, this was a happy smile, as though he'd achieved something besides a win in a fight. It was odd, but it made Yusuke's insides warm, his chest tighten, and in turn, he ended up smiling back. Yusuke rolled his shoulder to loosen up from his earlier boredom, "Well let's make this a quick one... My mom's makin' TV dinners."

"The only way you're goin' home is on crutches!" Kuwabara replied and came at Yusuke. Yusuke ended that fight in 2 minutes flat and dusted his hands off afterwards, grabbing his bag from the ground. If he lost another bag, Keiko would nag his ear off.

Yusuke left that fight in a good mood, which he realized while walking home. His chest was humming, excited for some reason that he didn't understand. He took a deep breath, thinking that it was just excitement from the fight and not the thought of Kuwabara smiling that had his heart pounding.

* * *

Last of the quote-ables. Writing out the small fights can only be entertaining for so long, but we know Kuwabara doesn't beat Yusuke. In a fight anyway.


	15. Happy Birthday

Yusuke's 14th birthday wasn't anything special. His mom had been out for the past 3 days, and he expected her to be out for another 2 at the very least. He got dragged off to school by Keiko, which he continuously made harder for her. He wasn't just skipping a couple classes a day now. He was skipping days and weeks like his mom did at their house. He just couldn't bare the amount of bullshit that came out of the teachers' mouths. But not on his day, he was stuck in class for HOURS. The only time he got away was when he got into the roof for lunch.

"Happy friggen birthday, Yusuke." He looked up at the sky from his shady spot near the door. His arms were folded under his head, leaning against the concrete step. He often tried to clear his head when he arrived up there, but his head was so clouded in frustration that he could only think of pile driving Takanaka into the fence only a few feet away. Yusuke hated this place. He didn't understand why they kept dragging him back. It wasn't as if he'd ever be good enough for them. And it wasn't HIM. He felt itchy when he was in class. Restless. He could barely stand it, he was so bored. He sometimes fell asleep, and most of the time Keiko threw something at him to wake him. He couldn't even get a decent nap in class. He. Didn't. Care. What part of that couldn't they understand.

"Give it up." Yusuke groaned, heading Takanaka over the intercom again, like a broken record. He knew his Lunch was taking an hour. He didn't care. It was all so stupid.

Yusuke hopped up, tired of playing this game as far as he did today. It was his birthday. He was gonna do as he damn well pleased. He trudged down the empty halls and stopped before going out the front door, which was metal and only had a slit for a window to look out. No doubt Takanaka was prowling about, looking to drag him off to class or, he shuttered, gym. He peered out, looking for the school patrol. It wasn't Takanaka but Akashi, the Rat-Bastard. Yusuke smirked; Akashi was easier to get rid of than Takanaka. If only he could throw his voice to make it sound like some kid was in pain, that teacher would joyfully skip off.

Akashi was looking around the front of the school, not really at the front door. Yusuke opened the door, then slammed it shut, hard. He didn't even check to see if he was being pursued, he flattened himself against the wall and the door swung open a moment later and Yusuke caught it before it smacked him in the face. Akashi had taken the bait but stopped a few yards down the hallway, looking for the person who had opened the door.

Yusuke bit his tongue and slipped out the closing door, snickering once it closed behind him and he strolled out the gates of his junior high. Too easy. They really had to start hiring smarter teachers. He popped a lemon drop into his mouth and heard one more announcement of Takanaka before the sounds of the city drowned him out.

Ah, so peaceful. Well, as peaceful as that city could get. Over the past few months it seemed to get more dangerous. More gangs were getting bolder, more aggressive. Not that Yusuke couldn't handle himself, but he noted it really stressed out everyone else around him. Everyone was on edge. Keiko and her parents were taking precautions against "ruffians" and "hooligans"; of which Yusuke always reminded himself that they forgot he was one. Yusuke was being approached by more gangs as well, not just by Kuwabara. Yusuke enjoyed knocking heads together, so as much as it didn't bother him, it still made him feel more defensive against gang ups and other school uniforms.

And though over a year had passed, Yusuke didn't feel any different from when he first entered junior high. Maybe stronger than when he first arived, but really, he had no one to test it out on. He was still unbeaten and he was currently very much in the possession of "Sarayashiki's Number One Punk" title; if he had to be anything in the yearbook, he wanted it to be that. It had grown on him over the years.

Speaking of competitors for the title, Yusuke once again found a red headed shadow. Yusuke pretended to ignore him for a block, just because he knew it pissed Kuwabara off to no end. Honestly it was like Kuwabara had nothing better to do than harass him.

"Urameshi, don't just walk away from me!" Kuwabara snapped and Yusuke looked behind him lazily, his eyebrows lifted.

"Sorry Kuwabara, didn't hear ya." Yusuke slowly turned, giving Kuwabara a once over since he hadn't seen him for a while. Kuwabara had a couple bandages on his jaw and his one hand was wrapped up at the wrist to the ring and pinky finger, "So I did break your fingers?" Yusuke smirked and Kuwabara shook his good fist at him.

"It's a hairline fracture, alright!" Kuwabara smirked confidently, popping his good fingers, readying for some action, "Couldn't miss giving you your birthday ass whooping." Yusuke blinked.

"Birthday?" Yusuke thought back through out the day, and then yesterday but he couldn't remember anyone else wishing him a happy birthday or anything like it. So he wondered how Kuwabara knew, "How the heck did ya know it was my birthday?"

"It's on the stupid birthday list at school, moron." Kuwabara sneered

"There's a birthday list at school?" Yusuke scoffed, "That IS stupid."

"Well I'm here to give ya your birthday punches." Kuwabara slammed one fist into his other hand, "One for every year, ya know." Yusuke held up a fist, tilting his head to the side and giving a cocky grin.

"You got to try for the first punch before you start counting to 14." Yusuke braced himself and Kuwabara lunged for him and Yusuke planted his fist into Kuwabara's gut.

After the rather short fight, Yusuke headed back to school. He was curious to see this birthday list. He snuck in and it took him a few wrong turns and one threat to one of the geeks in the hall to find it. It was a bit dumb, but he found it and it did indeed have his birthday on it. He checked over the list, frowned, then checked it again, his finger gliding down the list of names. It was only this month's birthdays so he didn't find Kuwabara's name. He huffed and headed for the exit for the second time that day. And he felt stupid for sneaking back into school to find Kuwbara's birthday just so he could repay the birthday wishes.

* * *

Y'know, Yusuke left for demon world and no one even wished him a happy birthday. I don't think he makes a big deal over it. Keiko didn't wish him a happy birthday either. Though it was understandable then cause she was angry with him at the time. He probably doesn't announce it to everyone.

One more chapter guys


	16. Coffee

Yusuke didn't often go out of his way to beat up people, believe it or not. Normally it was a set up or some idiot called him out for a fight. Kuwabara was a regular with that. He'd been prompted a few times by various gangs to take over the city. Yusuke figured he could do it all by himself, but what would he do with a city? He didn't like dealing with political crap. Although... closing down school would be pretty sweet. Or just not having to go and making it legally so. But besides that, Yusuke had no thirst for power. He just wanted people to leave him alone.

Currently Yusuke was staring down some punks from... some other school. They'd probably already told him which one, but he'd already forgotten what it was called. There were 5 of them and only one of Yusuke; per-always. The leader was yapping on about taking over the city. Blah, blah, blah, yap, yap, yap...

"So what do you say, Urameshi?" he said. He was pretty dorky looking for a gang leader actually, "Would you like to join our cause?" Yusuke stuck his finger in his ear and gave them a dull expression.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." Yusuke said, "So it must have not been interesting."

"You brat." One of the thugs snapped angrily. Yusuke could already tell that guy had a temper, "Don't talk to our leader like that!"

"Down." The leader commanded and Yusuke huffed. Another reason why he didn't like dealing with gangs. Someone always decided to be stupid.

"If I wanna take over the city then I'll take over the city myself." Yusuke announced loudly, "I don't need some reject gang mooching offa me."

"Rejects?!" the one with the temper yelled, "You think we came here cause we're weak?"

"That's what I'm saying, lame brain," Yusuke smirked, "Wanna make something of it? I eat chumps like you for breakfast." And before the leader could stop him, the asshole lunged forward and there was a punch thrown, which Yusuke saw from a mile away because the other guy was so pissed off. He stepped to the side, the arm passing by his shoulder and neck, then he ducked under, elbowing him in the gut and shoving him back. Yusuke stood, still bored. Couldn't anyone give him something interesting to do today?

The guy fell on his back and Yusuke sighed, "You see, at least Kuwabara can take a real beating before he says hi to the ground." Mmm, Kuwabara. Yusuke smirked as he thought of that big oof. Stupid face. And yet when ever Yusuke had to think of anyone who was any fun, it was that persistent asshole.

Finally the temperamental prick stood up, glaring and stumbling; trying to not look any more stupid than he did already.

"Let's go." The leader said, as an order to the rest of the gang. Then he looked at Yusuke, looking nervous, "Sorry to bother you. We didn't mean to waste your time." They turned out of the alley and the angry one did as well. Yusuke could tell they weren't trying to pick a fight, for political reasons or maybe just trying to stay on his good side.

"Just don't come around spewing your crap around here again." Yusuke warned them as they were just hitting the light of the street. Of course there it was; that stupid guy that tried to get in the last word.

"Fucking fag." He muttered and Yusuke went still, all humor disappearing. Something in Yusuke snapped.

"What'd you say?" Yusuke's tone was dangerously low and just as the rest of the gang was turning back around, Yusuke had grabbed the asshole by the shoulder and spun him around to introduce his fist to his face. The leader wisely backed the rest of his gang up and away from the alley way, allowing the idiot to get his just deserts for his quick mouth. Yusuke didn't hold back, filled with the heat of rage. Not even Kuwabara had gotten a beating like this before. And when the anger finally started to ebb, he found he had the guy against the brick wall. He face had been pummeled worse than road kill and blood and bruises were where ever skin appeared. Yusuke's knuckles were stained with blood as he gripped the collar in his hands.

"Who are you callin' a fag, mother fucker?" Yusuke snapped and he slammed him into the wall again. He could see the fear in the idiot's unswollen eye, "Do you think a fag could thrash you like this? Huh? You think a pansy could beat you into the ground without trying, like me?" He weakly but quickly shook his head and Yusuke stepped back, flinging him into a pile of garbage cans with an awful combination of clatter and groans of pain.

Yusuke breathed heavily, trying to ease his temper. He didn't want to kill the guy. He shoved his fists in his pockets and stomped out of the alley way. He only stopped to glare at the gang, who backed away from his angry gaze.

"What are you looking at?" He growled and the all edged away from him and kept their eyes averted. Yusuke huffed and walked down the sidewalk, aware that they were trying to get back into the alley to rescue their idiot.

Unfortunately that idiot ruined his good mood. He hated it. The word echoed in his head like a broken record. Fag, fag, fag... Well he wasn't a fag! He wasn't weak! He didn't just lie back and take it! He wasn't... He wasn't gay. Really... fuck...

Yusuke realized he'd nearly killed someone over just being called a fag. What if people actually found out he liked men? Shit. Shit, shit! He couldn't let anyone find out or he'd DIE of humiliation!

He wondered what Kuwabara would say if he found out he was gay... Yusuke hit himself in the head for changing the subject to the tall orange haired teen. He WASN'T attracted to him. Damn it. All he did was pummel that stupid face so he didn't have to look at it. There was nothing even mildly attractive about him any more. Yusuke has left a few scars and Kuwabara's face was usually all swollen. Nothing to be attracted to when the guy always looked half in pain. Stupid idiot, always coming back with that look. Stupidly determined look, saying "Today is the day I'll beat Urameshi!" He didn't seem to be bent on revenge... just fighting. Proving himself. Weirdo...

Yusuke stopped walking only once he got to the coffee shop. He decided he was thinking way too much and needed something to eat to stop thinking about this stupid subject of sexuality.

Well surprise, surprise, Yusuke immediately spotted the person of his thoughts, sitting by himself by the back. Yusuke had thrashed Kuwabara pretty well the other day so that would explain why he still had bandages on his face and hands. He was probably bandaged around his muscular chest under that stupid blue school uniform... Gah, no, he wasn't thinking about how muscular Kuwabara was! Totally thinking about the wounds. Like broken ribs. Yeah.

There were other sets of dishes around the booth so it wasn't like Kuwabara had eaten alone. Kuwabara was looking intently at the wall, his coffee cup in mid lift to his lips. Yusuke smiled a bit; wondering if Kuwabara was thinking about him. For some reason it made him happy to think of such a possibility.

Yusuke walked over quietly, checking to see how aware the other guy was. He knelt on the booth seat behind the other punk and grinned, trying to contain a chortle. He slowly raised his hands and just as Kuwabara let out a sigh and lifted his cup to drink, Yusuke struck. He gripped Kuwabara's shoulders and yelled, "Hey Kuwabara!"

Kuwabara promptly dropped his coffee on the table and stood to suddenly that he rammed into the fixated table and yelled with the startled chaos. When he turned, bent over in pain, Yusuke was there, laughing, unabashed.

"Urameshi!" He snapped, holding his thigh where new pain was circling over old wounds, "Fuck, ow... I'm not ready to fight you yet, you bastard!" Yusuke shrugged and got up from the seat, moving onto the one across from Kuwabara. Kuwabara turned slowly as Yusuke moved, never taking his eyes off of him.

"Relax, I'm not here to fight." Yusuke said, "I just came for a cup of coffee." Kuwabara didn't relax, even when the waitress came over and started taking the dirty plates and cups, as well as wiping up the spilled coffee. Yusuke left his coffee order with her as she left and Kuwabara only sat down; still eying Yusuke suspiciously. Yusuke didn't say anything, he just watched Kuwabara with a less intense stare. The waitress came with two coffees, then let them be.

"There are plenty of other tables, Urameshi." Kuwabara stated finally.

"So? I felt like sitting here." Yusuke said casually and added as many sugars and creamers that the waitress had put down. He even started stealing Kuwabara's when he could get away with it. And he got two of them before Kuwabara moved his pile behind his mug and a glare from the other.

"Fine, what do you want?" Kuwabara asked.

"Coffee." Yusuke shrugged, "Seriously, nothing else." He finally took a sip and was happy with the milky consistency. Kuwabara still hadn't taken his eyes off of him. It wasn't like Yusuke came and sat down with him all buddy-buddy like before, "Besides, I'm not scared of you kicking my ass or anything." Kuwabara ground his teeth.

"I'll kick you into next week!" Kuwabara stated, almost getting out of his seat to start a fight, but he must have moved wrong because he winced and sat down again, "Damn you and your pile drivers..." Yusuke shrugged. He got carried away sometimes. And he never could quite feel guilty for beating up Kuwabara. The guy just came back for more. It was his own fault. He just wouldn't stop coming back. Yusuke still had no clue why Kuwabara stuck around. Why didn't he ever give up and go away? The only people who stuck around him was his mom and Keiko.

No sappy thoughts now, Yusuke told himself and drank more coffee.

"I'd love to see you try." Yusuke said and Kuwabara clenched a fist with a smirk.

"In a couple of days I'll be all healed up and then I'll show you." He said with that determined smile that Yusuke always felt irritated with because honestly Kuwabara's had no basis for that confidence and it always gave Yusuke uncomfortable butterflies in his stomach. Yusuke looked away, as if rolling his eyes.

"You'll show me how well you can push up daisies?" he asked and Kuwabara brought his fist down on the table.

"I'll show you that I can beat you!" he snapped and Yusuke smirked. This was half the fun.

"I dunno, how many fights would this be that I've one? I've lost count..." Yusuke joked. He never kept track in the first place, but Kuwabara's gang sure did.

"One fifty something, but that's besides the point!" Kuwabara said, "I'll beat you next time and then you'll start keeping tract of our record."

"What record?" Yusuke asked, "You're the weird one keeping track of that stuff."

"Am not! Okubo is the one with the tally book." Kuwabara said and drank his own coffee with the remaining cream and sugar.

"They keep tallies? Seriously?" Yusuke asked, making a 'that's weird' face.

"Yeah..." Kuwabara scratched the back of his neck, finally easing up from his staring, "They're just... you know, lookin' out for me." Yusuke couldn't say he knew that feeling.

"So... they keep tallies to remind you of how much I beat you up?" Yusuke asked.

"Shut up, you wouldn't understand." Kuwabara grumbled and there was a moment of coffee drinking and both felt awkward for a moment. "... Heh" Kuwabara smirked into his cup, "What the hell Urameshi? It's not like you to just sit down with someone and just talk." Yusuke paused, then looked away again. Damn it. He kept doing that.

"It's nothing." he said and Kuwabara tilted his head inquiringly, "I just..." He huffed, "Stupid... assholes." Ah, the story of his life. Unable to really talk about anything to anyone. His mom wouldn't understand. Keiko just thought he was a lazy pervert. Kuwabara was... Kuwabara. The hell. He wasn't friends with this guy. Why was he talking to him? Yusuke took a long drink, finishing off his coffee. And how did Kuwabara know Yusuke didn't talk to people? He didn't think that many people paid him much mind, did they?

"I hear ya." Kuwabara said and Yusuke looked back to him. There was no way Kuwabara knew what he was talking about, "School bites. Weak gangs are trying to move in on the turf." Funny thing about Kuwabara and Yusuke's turfs. They were always over at each others' turfs. In fact. They kinda molded into one big Sarayashiki Junior High turf. There was no argument over area because Yusuke thought the idea was stupid. So they kinda shared it. "Then they want to take over the city or somethin'..." Yusuke smiled.

"Yeah, pretty much my day right there." he said and glanced at Kuwabara, who was looking at the wall again. This was almost... comfortable. The unfamiliar feeling settled in Yusuke's gut and didn't want to leave. It spooked Yusuke though and he stood up suddenly, startling Kuwabara with his sudden movements. "I got to go. Thanks for the coffee." And with that he started trotting out the door. Kuwabara stood.

"Urameshi, you haven't paid yet!" He yelled after him but Yusuke didn't stop and walked right out the door. He heard Kuwabara curse him and swear to take the money out of Yusuke hide next time they fought. Yusuke smiled a little but kept on walking, not really feeling bad for footing Kuwabara with the bill. Strangely though, he felt alone once he was on the streets again. He wasn't used to that feeling. Sure he was alone in the physical sense, but... that warmer comfort he'd felt back there was gone.

Maybe he'd just imagined it, Yusuke thought and headed home. It didn't bode well with him. Becoming that easy around Kuwabara threw him off. And for some reason his heart wouldn't stop beating so fast and hard as he thought about it. Why did he want to go back and pay for the stupid coffee just so he could see Kuwabara again? Why did he want to have more coffee with him in the first place? Maybe... it was sort of like he wanted to be friends, but without Kuwabara's gang included. He just wanted to be there with Kuwabara. When he was, he was in his own little world. He didn't care that the other people were in the cafe giving them dirty looks for being loud punks. And he hadn't cared that the waitress was snooty cause she had to endure their antics. It was just them. He wanted it to be anyway. Fuck.

Yusuke stopped half way home, cursing himself for this thought. This was ridiculous. What was wrong with him? He had to stop thinking too much. This was the sort of thing that got him into shit. Thinking, bah! Yusuke jogged home, planning to drink with his mom.

Luckily though, Yusuke Urameshi wouldn't have to dwell on that thought very long, because three days later, Yusuke would have died for the first time.

* * *

Ya know, even with Yusuke dying and then coming back, Yusuke and Kuwabara warmed up to each other pretty fast in both the anime and the manga. After Yusuke returned, Kuwabara threatened to put Yusuke back in the ground, but has yet to follow through. So I highly doubt there was really any grudge on either boys' part. Yusuke almost joined right up with Kuawabara's group after beating the saint beasts and no one thought it was weird. So there HAD to be some moments where they were civil to each other, even if it was just stealing coffee in quiet understanding. Totally what the whole fic was leading up to.

Gay and fag are usually used as negative terms on the street, like bastard and asshole. So someone who reacts against it strongly usually has been defending that aspect of themselves. And Yusuke is just the kind of person to snap with anger and only think about it later. Though he did have to get his fearsome reputation from somewhere, so it was probably fights like that that caused them.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, I'm always happy to hear that I keep everyone well characterized and believable. I'm currently lagging on YYH fiction because One Piece has caught my attention~ Epic series, btw *Swoon.* Planning sequel to this story, called Gay Spirit Detective. I'll have to watch the show again for those special moments. Alright, that's a rap everyone, Peace OUT!


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